Voluntary & Involuntary
- Some relationships are by choice. You seek them out, like friendships, partners. Let's call these voluntary.
- Some relationships are enforced. Like coworkers, siblings, family. Let's call these involuntary.
- The dynamics of both are different.
- You assume the other person is open-minded to a relationship.
- You don't know them, so you start to validate them –
- is (s)he smart, hardworking, carries positive energy etc. etc. – all the good things.
- Often we are also looking for some negatives, so they can be exploited. I suspect a lot of Game is built on the negatives.
- They start to validate you.
- You validate them positively, or not.
- They validate your positively, or not.
- Depending on this initial validation, a transactional dynamic gets set up, which hopefully gets followed up.
- Make them feel valued, recognised and appreciated
- Connect — live in their reality, and let them live in yours
- Mutuality — I am there for you, just because of you, no self interest
- Respect, admiration, inspiration
Anima & Animus
- Man of physical power
- Man of action and romance
- Man as a professor, clergyman, orator
- Man as a spiritual guide
Loving, and being loved are 2 different things.
- Being loved is the free unconditional love we receive as a child.
- To love, someone, is to apply charity and generosity of interpretation of them.
Compatibility is a consequence of love, not a cause.
If you keep following your feelings, you'll most likely make a big mistake in life.
Relationships are about teaching too.
Successful couples allow each other to teach, without bitterness, fury or humiliation.
- A great teacher doesn't mind if the lesson is being lost on the pupil.
- You cannot teach by humiliation.